the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
