Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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