4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
