she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
