If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
True strength comes from lack of pants
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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