I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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