I'm so fucking centered right now
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
