i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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