Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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