At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
