she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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