I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
