hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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