I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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