Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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