Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
