i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
