Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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