I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
