So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
