Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
