Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
