I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
