She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
