Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
