i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
