is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
