thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
