your parents love me but you hate me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
