Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
