omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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