I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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