I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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