you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
