apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We need to get me chipped asap
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
