You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
