wakey wakey hands off snakey
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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