Pappa wants mamma naked
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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