I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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