she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
