mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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