after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I deserve this hangover.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
