i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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