Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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