she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
