i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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