We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
