Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
