so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
