you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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